Be with me

So I spent 2 hours meditating on John 14:27, and God used it to bring freedom to my heart. I began by considering the word “Father,” asking the Holy Spirit to reveal to me God as father. I got a series of phrases that were directed towards how God felt towards me. Through the next few phrases, I experienced something similar. Then, when I got to “may be with me where I am,” I felt the Lord say “I want you with me, Robert” and it struck chord in me. You see, in high school I was “on fire for Jesus.” I felt the Lord call me to be a pastor, I was getting involved in evangelism and I was consuming the Word like nobodies business. I literally told God that I surrendered my whole being to Him and He could do with me whatever He wanted. Point being, I wanted to give my 100%, going hard after the Lord. Then, I went through six years of Clinical Depression, which was the darkest six years of my life. I felt that my faith got severely damaged and it became a fight for me not to give up talking to God. Consequently, I often relate to Peter. Peter was all in for Jesus and was the one that seemed to give His 100%. However, Jesus told Peter that he would deny Jesus. Though Peter denied that he would do such a thing, the time came that Peter did deny Jesus and, when he realized what Jesus said had happened, he wept bitterly.

While God has been healing my heart, just as with Peter on the shore when Jesus reinstated him, there have still been parts of me that have felt unworthy or guilty. As I meditated on Jesus' desire to be with me, that unworthy feeling got touched and I couldn't quite fully believe that Jesus wanted to be with me. However, I knew that Jesus did want to be with me and I started praying to God about this issue. I was reminded of two verses: Romans 8:1 and Romans 5:8. Romans 8:1 reminded me that “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Through Christ, I was no longer condemned, so I can reject condemnation. Then Romans 5:8 reminded me of God's love, which was so deep that Jesus died for my while I was still a sinner! Reflecting on God's love, I believed the Gospel. Satan immediately brought doubt into my heart, but I chose to trust in the Gospel and believe that Jesus desired me and through faith in His blood, I was fully cleansed, fully forgiven. Thank God that He has been answering my prayer to help me overcome my unbelief, and is helping me to believe the Gospel more fully.Thank God Jesus wants to be with me!